Navigating Adult Friendships

Navigating adult friendships can be difficult. Like, middle school difficult. 😩 Why is no one talking about this?! It’s something I’ve personally struggled with and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. Adult friendships require time and effort – things we aren’t always able to give.

We might suddenly find ourselves in a new city or stage of life where we struggle to meet new people, maintain old friendships, or disengage from unhealthy friendships. Even with all of the technology we have these days, it seems like there is more distance than ever before.

Older millennials like myself can remember the familiar MySpace “Top 8” roster where we straight up told the world who we liked best (while coding cute wallpaper and finding the PERFECT profile song). Eight seemed like an appropriate number of friends…though, admittedly, we struggled over the last few in the lineup. As demented as it was, I miss that commitment and transparency!

The key word to remember with adult friendships is RECIPROCITY. Whatever labels or status we give our friends should be based on whether or not our friendships are reciprocated. This might sound simple enough, but research suggests that up to 50% of our friendships are unreciprocated! This leads to superficial and unfulfilling relationships. As adults, ain’t nobody got time for that!

If you have a friendship that seems unreciprocated, I have some truth to lay on you: [S]HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Let go and let God. Quit wasting your time and energy on people who are not holding space for you and focus on making time for the people who are making time for you.

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It’s also important to remember that having a “bestie” is great but having one friend we confide in or turn to for support and another we call for weekend outings is no less special than having one “best friend.” The title doesn’t matter, only the #reciprocity. Diversify your stock options – you’re a grown up now!

Stepping into Your Confidence

Here’s another #realtalk post that hits close to home. Call it confidence or self-esteem, but we either have too little or too much. It’s a catch-22. Like most things in life, there is a continuum between a meek wallflower and arrogant peacock. The wallflower appears weak while the latter is an obnoxious nuisance. So how do we find balance?

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Most people I meet live in the land of insecurity and struggle with feelings of inadequacy. They feel unworthy and unequal. Meanwhile, those who exude confidence are criticized for arrogance – making it safer to live in the security of insecurity.

More often than not, confidence critics are making judgements from a place of envy and inadequacy. They struggle with insecurities and don’t want to be left in the wake of the confident achiever. These opinions don’t matter. Strive for greatness and don’t look to your left or your right. Your only competition is the person you were yesterday.

Your confidence comes from your own success. Set goals that matter, take on challenges that are difficult, and persist when the setbacks come. This is where your confidence will thrive.

✨SET YOUR INTENTION FOR 2019. ✨

Intentions are the fuel to manifesting your goals and visions for yourself in the new year. Without an intention there is no map, and you’re just driving down a road with no destination in mind. You can’t set an intention that you don’t believe or commit to.

Here are a few examples of intentions to consider this year:
* I intend to choose happiness every day.
* I intend to respond first, and then react.
* I intend to lead by example in all relationships.
* I intend to stop taking things personally.
* I intend to forgive others, and myself.
* I intend to love others unconditionally.
* I intend to guard my time and say “no” to commitments that do not bring me joy.
If you have another intention in mind that isn’t listed above, go for it! Just remember to keep these three important points in mind as you set your intention:

1. Keep it positive.
Your chosen intention should always be positive, uplifting, and always in the present tense. You want to refrain from using any negative words.

2. Make sure it can evolve.
Our minds are very clever… when something new comes along, the mind is intrigued. But as time passes, the mind gets bored! If you stick with the same intention week after week, your mind will stop responding to it. The best way to resolve this is to make sure your intention or goal can easily be adjusted.

3. Aim for the short term.
You can still think of the big picture — just divide your long-term intention into few shorter ones instead. After successfully manifesting your short-term intentions, you will ultimately reach the actual goal that you had been nurturing in the first place.

I’d love to hear what goals you are setting for the year! Get an accountability buddy and and share your goals for the new year! 🌈☀️2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣9️⃣