Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

Let’s talk about sex, Baby…let’s talk about you and…your spouse!

Well, if you’re married, you definitely have a mutually fulfilling sex life, riiiiight? 🙃

Chances are, one of you is wishing it happened more often while the other would prefer a good night’s sleep. So what’s the solution? Communication and compromise! Have an open discussion about how often you’d like to get busy…this will likely involve someone stepping it up and someone simmering down. Challenge yourself to compromise on the higher end of the scale. 😜

Listen up, guys. Foreplay, or #choreplay as @drlauraberman aptly calls is, begins the moment you wake up. Your wife wants to feel supported and valued and it’s the quickest route to getting what you want! Takeover some of the things on her to-do list for the day and you will free up some extra time in her day for sex! 💏

Women need emotional intimacy to desire physical intimacy. ⬅️ READ THAT AGAIN! Be intentional about connecting emotionally. Discover one another’s love language and put in effort to connect accordingly. 👫

#adulting and #parenting make spontaneous sex nearly impossible. Don’t wait for the perfect moment – create it! So what if it’s not spontaneous…a thoughtfully planned encounter can be so much more special! Be intentional about making time for physical intimacy in your marriage. And start tonight. 😉

💕LOVE STORY 💕

Patrick’s Senior Prom (Our First Date): May 2000

Everyone loves a good love story, right? 🥰 Here’s mine in a nutshell…

I was only 15 when I met my husband and if you would have told me then that I would end up married to that awkward, skinny, 17-year-old boy I would never have believed it! Needless to say, it was not love at first sight. And that ended up being the secret to our success.

My best friend, Krystal, brokered the deal for me to be his prom date in Y2K. She reminded me recently that I made her tell him NOT to expect any physical contact on this date. I was always good at managing expectations. 😆

Although there were no fireworks on that date, the fact that we weren’t trying to impress one another is what eventually made us click. Looking back, I’ve never been more unapologetically myself with anyone than I was with that boy. I didn’t care about impressing him and we proceeded to date other people and give each other dating advice in the years that followed. In hindsight, it was a lot of TMI if I’d known I would marry this dude. 🤐

For me, the turning point happened when I went on a family vacation. I had a boyfriend back home who I didn’t miss at all, and I was calling my best friend, Patrick, every day while I was gone. I knew what I had to do when I got home….and I was pretty sure he had been patiently waiting for me to arrive at this conclusion on my own. 💑

There was a lot that happened in the years that followed…to save time, you can refer to the plot of The Notebook. We loved each other fiercely and we believed in one another fiercely. Those early years were SO difficult. It’s hard to pursue your own dreams and fulfill the needs of someone else at the same time. Maybe impossible. Choosing to grow together, rather than as individuals was our biggest struggle. 🌳

The fact that we have persisted for almost 20 years is a testament to our mutual stubbornness and the grace of God. Patrick told me yesterday that his favorite thing about me is my grit. When I decide to do something, come hell or high water, I won’t give up. Similarly, my favorite thing about Patrick is that he will do absolutely anything to be successful. He works so hard to be proficient at whatever he does and he works hard at being a good husband and father. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

We were married 10 years ago and learned how to navigate adulthood, careers, and parenting together. We are still unapologetically ourselves. We can’t be any other way because we showed all of our cards early on. We know the worst about each other but choose to believe the best – day after day. We respect each other and we are still best friends after all these years. We are so different from those awkward, superficial teens setup for a prom date, but we choose one another every day, year after year. 👰🏻🤵🏻

Love is not a feeling, it’s a commitment. The best marriages involve 2 people in competition to out-serve one another. They require mutual respect, admiration, and a determination to be the best partner you can be. It’s not a natural response. It’s a choice. And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. 💞

The Grass is Greener Where You Water It

🌱The Grass is Greener Where You Water It 🌦

We all know the agony of comparison – in friendships, in parenting, and in our marriages. Social media has multiplied this feeling exponentially. Everyone else’s marriage looks easy breezy on Facebook, so why don’t I have that? 📸

The truth is, ALL of our relationships have their challenges. Chances are, if you could see the secret struggles of the relationships behind the picture perfect filters, you’d probably RUN back to your spouse and be grateful for the small problems you are faced with in comparison. 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

All of our relationships have seasons that are hard. We are individuals driven to seek our own happiness, yet relationships require the selflessness to put someone else’s needs above you own. It’s unnatural to us, which is why we have to be intentional in connecting with one another. 💑

Think about what first attracted you to your spouse. Of all the people in the world, you CHOSE this person! That’s a really BIG DEAL!

Take some time to reflect on the qualities that made you choose your husband/wife. These are the foundations of your marriage and I bet they are still true!
1.
2.
3.

Now go share these qualities with him/her! Here’s a little script to get you started:
“When we first met, I fell in love with you because ________. I knew I wanted to marry you because _________. I really appreciate that you still ________. Thank you for __________.”

We are all looking for affirmation and confidence that we are ENOUGH and we are seen and valued. Practice giving that to your spouse, and chances are, you will receive it back in return.

Navigating Adult Friendships

Navigating adult friendships can be difficult. Like, middle school difficult. 😩 Why is no one talking about this?! It’s something I’ve personally struggled with and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. Adult friendships require time and effort – things we aren’t always able to give.

We might suddenly find ourselves in a new city or stage of life where we struggle to meet new people, maintain old friendships, or disengage from unhealthy friendships. Even with all of the technology we have these days, it seems like there is more distance than ever before.

Older millennials like myself can remember the familiar MySpace “Top 8” roster where we straight up told the world who we liked best (while coding cute wallpaper and finding the PERFECT profile song). Eight seemed like an appropriate number of friends…though, admittedly, we struggled over the last few in the lineup. As demented as it was, I miss that commitment and transparency!

The key word to remember with adult friendships is RECIPROCITY. Whatever labels or status we give our friends should be based on whether or not our friendships are reciprocated. This might sound simple enough, but research suggests that up to 50% of our friendships are unreciprocated! This leads to superficial and unfulfilling relationships. As adults, ain’t nobody got time for that!

If you have a friendship that seems unreciprocated, I have some truth to lay on you: [S]HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Let go and let God. Quit wasting your time and energy on people who are not holding space for you and focus on making time for the people who are making time for you.

Photo by Elle Hughes on Pexels.com

It’s also important to remember that having a “bestie” is great but having one friend we confide in or turn to for support and another we call for weekend outings is no less special than having one “best friend.” The title doesn’t matter, only the #reciprocity. Diversify your stock options – you’re a grown up now!

A Library of Possibilities

I took my 4-year-old son to the library today. We read books all the time at home, but being at an actual library filled with thousands of books and endless knowledge was SO INSPIRING! 📚🐛

Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

There was a feeling of possibility and at the same time a sense of being so limited by what my brain has to offer. As a writer, I could walk through those doors and think “What could I POSSIBLY have to say that hasn’t already been said?”

The truth is, THERE IS ROOM FOR EVERYONE AT THE TABLE. There’s a best-selling book that hasn’t been written, and the author is out there somewhere feeling totally inadequate for the job.

Don’t wait for a formal invitation to pursue your goals. No one is going to ask you to “step into your purpose.” Pursue your goals unapologetically. You might fail, but if you never try you’ve failed already.

#educateyourself #pursueyourpurpose #grow #learn #thrive

Stepping into Your Confidence

Here’s another #realtalk post that hits close to home. Call it confidence or self-esteem, but we either have too little or too much. It’s a catch-22. Like most things in life, there is a continuum between a meek wallflower and arrogant peacock. The wallflower appears weak while the latter is an obnoxious nuisance. So how do we find balance?

Photo by Moose Photos on Pexels.com

Most people I meet live in the land of insecurity and struggle with feelings of inadequacy. They feel unworthy and unequal. Meanwhile, those who exude confidence are criticized for arrogance – making it safer to live in the security of insecurity.

More often than not, confidence critics are making judgements from a place of envy and inadequacy. They struggle with insecurities and don’t want to be left in the wake of the confident achiever. These opinions don’t matter. Strive for greatness and don’t look to your left or your right. Your only competition is the person you were yesterday.

Your confidence comes from your own success. Set goals that matter, take on challenges that are difficult, and persist when the setbacks come. This is where your confidence will thrive.

✨SET YOUR INTENTION FOR 2019. ✨

Intentions are the fuel to manifesting your goals and visions for yourself in the new year. Without an intention there is no map, and you’re just driving down a road with no destination in mind. You can’t set an intention that you don’t believe or commit to.

Here are a few examples of intentions to consider this year:
* I intend to choose happiness every day.
* I intend to respond first, and then react.
* I intend to lead by example in all relationships.
* I intend to stop taking things personally.
* I intend to forgive others, and myself.
* I intend to love others unconditionally.
* I intend to guard my time and say “no” to commitments that do not bring me joy.
If you have another intention in mind that isn’t listed above, go for it! Just remember to keep these three important points in mind as you set your intention:

1. Keep it positive.
Your chosen intention should always be positive, uplifting, and always in the present tense. You want to refrain from using any negative words.

2. Make sure it can evolve.
Our minds are very clever… when something new comes along, the mind is intrigued. But as time passes, the mind gets bored! If you stick with the same intention week after week, your mind will stop responding to it. The best way to resolve this is to make sure your intention or goal can easily be adjusted.

3. Aim for the short term.
You can still think of the big picture — just divide your long-term intention into few shorter ones instead. After successfully manifesting your short-term intentions, you will ultimately reach the actual goal that you had been nurturing in the first place.

I’d love to hear what goals you are setting for the year! Get an accountability buddy and and share your goals for the new year! 🌈☀️2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣9️⃣