Haters Gonna Hate

One thing that really brought my husband and I together even as naïve high school kids was our drive to succeed. We are both fiercely competitive in different ways, but always competing with ourselves to be better. We recognized this in one another even as teenagers and, for me, it was the most attractive thing. Ambition is so sexy! Get you a man with big dreams!

My high school flame had a 6-year professional baseball career. When that ended due to injury, he pursued a career in the fire service which was “impossible” because “everyone is trying to be a firefighter.” Harder than becoming a pro athlete? We’ll see.

I had two toddlers at home and worked 2 jobs when I decided to go after the highest degree in my field. My firefighter husband was never home. NO ONE thought the timing was right. Fortunately, I didn’t give a damn what they thought. I got that degree before my son finished preschool and picked up a 3rd job along the way. BOOM.

The term “haters” wasn’t really a thing back in Y2K, I think they were called “naysayers.” But fast forward 20 years – after all we have accomplished – and we still have people close to us saying:

  • Your dreams are not realistic
  • That will be too much for you
  • You can’t handle it
  • This is bad for your kids
  • Self-care is selfish
  •  Stick with safe, certain, and comfortable
  • Don’t challenge the status quo
  • You’re working/exercising too much
  • This is how we’ve always done it
  • Career = Self-worth
  • Don’t let them see you sweat
  • Following your dreams is irresponsible
  • Money = Success
  • You can’t afford to take risks
  • Do you think you’re better than me?

I. could. go. on. Have any of these statements been made to you? Did it come from someone who is supposed to have your back? Why is it that people want to chain you down to stay on their level? They believe your success diminishes theirs. They are SO threatened that you will outshine them as if there isn’t enough light out there to go ‘round?!

Listen up, dear ones. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING. Give up on people pleasing. Quit listening to the critic. Sacrifice your comfort zone.  Don’t give up your ambition. Don’t quit on yourself. Don’t sacrifice your confidence so someone else can have theirs. The haters are gonna hate anyway.

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MANIFEST

My husband and I had a quick getaway last week and the best part for me was the 7 hours of driving. We had uninterrupted conversations about our dreams and goals and where we want to see our careers go. Those conversations get us into alignment and give me LIFE!! We are always on the same page when it comes to wanting one another to thrive in every way possible, but it helps to actually hear what the other person desires. It gives you some perspective to support him/her in going after it! When was the last time you and your spouse got to do this? It had been a minute for us.

We talked about MANIFESTING (focusing on and attracting what you want in your life). Personally, the idea is a little too “new age” for me. In my opinion, no amount of meditation and “putting it out into the universe” has the same effect as laser focus and hustle!! Rather than trying to attract what I want, I prefer to take it by the balls with action! Still, you need to have a vision to make your plans successful. Maybe that is where the “manifesting” really comes into play.

After all, a goal without a plan is just a wish.

SELF CHALLENGE: What is your vision for YOUR future? If you don’t know, you better sit your ass down and think about it. If time and money were no option (spoiler alert: that’s NOT what’s holding you back), what does your dream job/hobby/startup company/non-profit look like? What skills do you have that are unique to you? What comes easy to you that you enjoy doing? THAT is purpose, and that is what you need to be chasing.

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE: Carve out some time to talk with your spouse about your vision and find out what his/her vision is. How can you support one another in getting there? This requires at least a date night, preferably a road trip!

If the word MANIFEST feels weird to you, try replacing it with VISION. Make yourself a road map for where you want to go and what you need to get there. Then take the first step.

#goals #hopes #dreams #purpose #manifest #hustle #vision #marriage #marriagegoals #relationshipgoals #drive #passion #liveyourbestlife #growth #growthmindset #personaldevelopment #leadership #selfactualization #empowerment #girlboss #motherhood #parenting #mindfulness #selfawareness

GEN Z

What do you know about Gen Z? 🧒👦

As the successor to the
millennials, these “digital natives” are described as consummate multitaskers, achievement oriented, and sheltered (Rickes, 2016). One of the most notable effects of this digital age is a stress-induced environment due to increased connectivity, academic demands, a host of extracurricular activities, and athletic competition (Hoffman, 2011).

As parents, we want to give our kids every opportunity to be successful. This is what leads us to club sports and travel teams, private tutors, art and music lessons…you name it, we’ve likely tried it. But in our attempts to “help” them succeed, we are often stifling their success and setting them up for failure.

Children do not have the physical and emotional capacity to manage our high expectations. After all, WE didn’t grow up this way! The result of this stressed out, hyper scheduled culture is a mental health crisis where young people are riddled with anxiety and an inability to regulate their emotions (Knopf, 2016).

Suicide rates in young people have increased 25% in the last 10 years, and Gen Z has the highest rate of anxiety, depression, and suicide in recorded history. WHAT WE ARE DOING ISN’T WORKING.

Millennials are notably big spenders. Millennial parents will spare no expense to give their children a hand UP in life. However, in our attempts to do so, we are destroying our children and making them feel inadequate.

So, how can parents help their children manage this anxiety to lead happy
and successful lives? Give them a break!

– Schedule in some unscheduled time.
– Let them get bored.
– Take away their devices.
– Turn off the TV.
– Go outside!
– Actually spent time with them rather than money.
– Develop their emotional vocabulary to recognize and identify their feelings.
– Find out how THEY want to spend their time.
– Give them chores.
– Teach them kindness and compassion.
– Schedule time to help others by volunteering. Focusing on helping others helps alleviate the burden of perfectionism.

It’s not too late to turn this around, but our time as parents is limited. Be purposeful in your parenting and don’t let the World steal their childhood. It’s too magical. ✨

Navigating Adult Friendships

Navigating adult friendships can be difficult. Like, middle school difficult. 😩 Why is no one talking about this?! It’s something I’ve personally struggled with and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. Adult friendships require time and effort – things we aren’t always able to give.

We might suddenly find ourselves in a new city or stage of life where we struggle to meet new people, maintain old friendships, or disengage from unhealthy friendships. Even with all of the technology we have these days, it seems like there is more distance than ever before.

Older millennials like myself can remember the familiar MySpace “Top 8” roster where we straight up told the world who we liked best (while coding cute wallpaper and finding the PERFECT profile song). Eight seemed like an appropriate number of friends…though, admittedly, we struggled over the last few in the lineup. As demented as it was, I miss that commitment and transparency!

The key word to remember with adult friendships is RECIPROCITY. Whatever labels or status we give our friends should be based on whether or not our friendships are reciprocated. This might sound simple enough, but research suggests that up to 50% of our friendships are unreciprocated! This leads to superficial and unfulfilling relationships. As adults, ain’t nobody got time for that!

If you have a friendship that seems unreciprocated, I have some truth to lay on you: [S]HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Let go and let God. Quit wasting your time and energy on people who are not holding space for you and focus on making time for the people who are making time for you.

Photo by Elle Hughes on Pexels.com

It’s also important to remember that having a “bestie” is great but having one friend we confide in or turn to for support and another we call for weekend outings is no less special than having one “best friend.” The title doesn’t matter, only the #reciprocity. Diversify your stock options – you’re a grown up now!

The Journey Begins

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples.” — Mother Teresa

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ABOUT ME

I am a College Professor as well as a freelance writer specializing in leadership, emotional intelligence, and personal development. My focus is on transformational leadership and I have a a passion for teaching principles to support leadership development and positive change throughout the community. As a lifelong learner with experience in organizational development, training, and management for both non-profit and for-profit sectors, I support individuals and organizations towards maximizing results.

Please contact me directly if you are interested in one-on-one coaching or speaking engagements and seminars. I look forward to hearing from you!

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